Peeping Out of My Rabbit Hole

Monday, August 19, 2013

Wow.  Somehow I didn't even realize how long it's been since I last updated!  o.O  And my Goddess, the dust bunnies have taken over as though it's still Ostara!  LoL!

Sadly, even now, I find myself at a loss of what to write about.  I think it's pretty obvious I gave up on the PBP for this year.  Maybe next year I'll actually keep up with it, but I'm honestly not holding my breath at the moment.  >.<

Honestly, y'all, things have been really hard for me these past several months.  In the wake of Druid and I breaking up -- at first only to try to approach and fix our relationship from a "just friends" angle only for it to become a "broken up for good" thing back in early June -- I pretty much lost all inspiration to write.  I haven't even done writing exercises or anything this past summer.  I'm not gonna lie: I still hurt but I know that, really, there's just no way for him and I to work out, so I've been having to figure out how to get past this.  It's difficult given that he and I will still be living together until our current lease is concluded at the beginning of June.  I still love him, but I'm working on letting him go.  Most days we manage to get along just fine as friends, which is fine.  Most days I do fine and the hurt is just a mild ache.  But I still have days where the hurt is just as fresh as the day I realized that there is just no going back for us.

*sigh*  And I've pretty much neglected the Facebook page about as badly as I've neglected the blog.  I'm hoping to get back into gear with both the blog and the page soon.  It really is about time I just suck it up and come out of my rabbit hole.

My Year and a Day classes have been going well.  It amazes me, when I look back, to realize that my Year and a Day is about halfway over!  o.O  Where has the time gone?!?!  Currently we're discussing the Sabbats.  Last week we discussed Imbolc and tonight we will be discussing Ostara (which reminds me!  I need to do some research about Ostara before class tonight!  Meep!) such as what it's about and why it's celebrated.  I know some basic info, of course, but I need to do some research so I can give my teacher the more in depth answers he's looking for -- something I admittedly bombed on last week *guilty grin*

Before now, we'd been studying the Elementals and calling upon them -- I connect really well with Fire and my Dragon Friend shows up every time I call for Him.  ^_^  I still need to practice calling the other Elementals and working on making my connection with them stronger.

Last Full Moon we did our first full-on ritual and it went really well  :-)   I called Fire, J called Water, S called Earth, and Greyhart called Air.  We did the ritual to honor Hera and Zeus.  It was a seriously cool ritual!  I'd go into more detail, but that will have to wait.  Again, I got homework to do before class.  LoL!

Overall, that's pretty much the past couple of months in a nutshell.  I'm getting by and learning how to heal.  Part of me balks at the idea of ever being in a relationship again (and, really, who doesn't go through that feeling when they get out of a toxic relationship?).  Part of me feels like I'm just too damaged to ever be good enough for anybody, so why should I try?  But the other part of me knows that, while I'm not perfect, I'm not as crappy a girlfriend as I perceive myself.  I made mistakes.  I was a total bitch sometimes.  I had my times where I was selfish and not as considerate as I should have been.  I had times where depression spirals turned me into a person I could barely recognize much less like.  But, at the heart of it, I know I still tried even though my efforts went largely unappreciated and unnoticed by him.

Sorry.  I know that probably sounded self-pitying as all hell.  >.<  I don't mean to sound that way and I'm not even feeling self-pitying, honestly.  Just simply stating facts.  *shrug*    Oh well.   We'll see what the future brings.  In the meantime, any healing and positive energy that y'all could send my way would be most appreciated!

)O(  Morgaine )O(

1 comments:

Elizabeth Sims said...

From random internet person on work lunch break. I wish for you all the best and may wisdom come with your healing.
Very neat on the classes I was always curious on what someone going through a more structured system actually did.
Don't feel bad about the writing it'll always be there when you most need it.

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