Holly's First Real Day (PICS INCLUDED)

Thursday, May 16, 2013

(I started this entry yesterday, but I got side-tracked with Holly and then I ended up crashing  LoL)

May 15:  Sooooooooo, I can tell this is going to take some time.  Holly has shown that she's quite timid and shy.  In fact, she's the shyest kitten I've ever had to deal with.  When she was with me in her last life, she didn't have a bunch of rowdy kids to deal with.  Aspen was just a baby and I hadn't had Rain yet.  When Aspen was a baby, he didn't have that typical baby tendency of smacking the crap out of whatever was making him excited.  Tippy had ADORED Aspen.  In essence, they kinda got to grow up together.  She would lay by him, I would help him pet her, he would get the most ecstatic, joyful look on his face and Tippy would just lay there and purr her ever-lovin' head off.

But now things are VERY different.  Aspen's a LOT bigger and there's two more than there was before she died.  A lot of things have changed.  I know it's going to take a lot of patience and learning to back off when she's had enough.  But I'll admit, this will be a learning process for me too.  Like I said, I've never had such a shy kitten before.  Tippy was a little shy when she first came to us; she hid for a little bit, but when she grew curious enough to come out and explore, she was fine.

Now that she's Holly with a lot more to deal with, I can see that this is going to take a lot more time and patience.

That being said, it's not been all that bad.  This morning started out a little rough.  Admittedly, I wasn't being overly constructive in trying to get her out of hard-to-reach hiding places such as under or behind the entertainment center, which we've had to block off because she poo'ed back there.  At one point Druid scared the ever-loving out of her by trying to shoo her from under the entertainment center with a broom handle.  -_-  That was particularly frustrating because she was starting to gain some curiosity to explore and after that, she went back into hiding.  *sigh*

However, today has had a lot of high points, too.  Even when I'd pulled her out of her hiding spots, the moment I started petting her and snuggling her, she would snuggle back and there have been several times today she has rubbed her face against mine, which I find to be most encouraging.

However, as the day went on, it became more and more clear that having her things set up in the living room and dining room was just NOT the best idea.  So, I did some cleaning and picking up in mine and Druid's bedroom, moved her things in there, and made it to where the room could be open, but she'd be blocked in there just so she'd have a quieter, less-trafficked area to be in.  She was still a little timid at first, but it didn't take her very long to gain the confidence to explore the room, even obnoxiously so as the night wore on.  But the good thing was that she finally had the confidence to get out of her kitty condo to eat food, drink water, and use the litter box.  Plus, she's gradually getting less scared of us.

For a while, if either one of us would peek in on her hiding place, she'd hiss at us  (which is SO freaking cute, btw -- it's just this tiny little puff of air!) but wouldn't make any aggressive moves.  The only time she's made to claw at either one of us is if she was feeling playful.  I think the hiss was more of a timid, startled thing.  She'd still let us pet her and even look a bit soothed when we'd do so.

May 16:  Her first night in our room, like I said, she got a bit obnoxious.  I ended up waking up at around 5am because she got onto the sink top and was knocking things over.  But I ended up getting to play with her and OMG when she's feeling confident, she is such a snugglebug! AND a chatterbox  XD  Naturally, I couldn't help but to chatter back.  ^_^

And now, before I close this entry, here are some pics of my little friend:

A Week of Celebration

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

I can't even find the words to describe all the happiness this last week has brought me.  First there was the finalizing of my divorce last Friday, which I already wrote about, then there's the fact that the Spring Semester is FINALLY over!!!!! But this next bit of ecstatic happiness is the uber reason for this post.  However, for y'all to fully understand, I'm going to need to include a bit of a back-story.

(taken from a journal entry I wrote a couple weeks ago)
Something that's been weighing on my mind a lot lately is the topic of Familiars. I used to have one. I didn't get to have her very long and, considering the way my life was going for the longest time, maybe it was a mixed blessing. At least when she died, she still belonged to me. I didn't have to suffer the grief of having to rehome her because many things 'caused me and mine to have to be homeless and living like gypsies for almost two years.

Tippy was my first-ever Mother's Day present. Honestly, she was probably the most thoughtful thing my ex ever did for me. I wasn't expecting anything for Mother's Day that year. We were dirt poor. So when my ex came in briefly on his lunch break on that day in May, 2005 with something behind his back and told me to close my eyes and hold out my hands, I thought maybe he'd gotten me one of those brownies from the nearby 7-Eleven that I liked so much. Instead, what I got was a feeling of a tiny, soft, furry body. She was a tiny little black kitten with little white paws and ankle socks on her back feet. When she was a baby, she had a little tip of white on her tail, hence her name Tippy.

Tippy was wholeheartedly MY baby. I'd never had a cat so devoted to me. She would even come running to me when I'd call her. One time she got out of the apartment and went into the pool area (which was closed off). My ex tried to get her to come to him by calling her and she just sat there staring at him like "And what?" I went outside, crouched down, and called for her and she came trotting to me as eagerly as one would expect a puppy to do. That was when I first realized the bond we had.

Tippy loved me unconditionally, even when I wasn't such a great human being. I'm ashamed to say that there was a long stretch of time where I didn't really appreciate her or treat her as I should have. There were so many things going on at that time, though I don't see any of them as being excuses for me. But she loved me anyway. And yes, I did manage to get my head out of my ass. I just wish I'd done it sooner. 

I didn't have Tippy for a full year before she was hit by a car one night while my ex and I were off visiting a friend of his. She died almost a month exactly after he and I had moved to Oklahoma City from Texas.  Tippy died March 10, 2006 just a couple weeks before my daughter was born. It's been 7 years and I still miss her terribly. I've often wondered if Tippy might someday come back to me.

Thoughts like this have especially been prevalent as of late. I follow the Pooka Pages magazine for Pagan children and back towards the end of March, Pooka -- the Familiar of Lora, the gal who runs the mag -- passed away. He died March 25. My heart absolutely broke for Lora 'cause I remember all too well the grief I went through when I lost Tippy.

Lora wrote a story about Pooka's passing for the Beltane issue of the Pooka pages and holy crap, I cried my eyes out. (You can find it on the Pooka Pages Facebook page.  I'm sorry I don't have a more direct link)

But Lora, even then, knew that her Pooka kitty would come back to her. And Pooka didn't waste any time in doing so. A few days ago, I saw a Facebook status on the Pooka Pages Team page and OMG!! She found him again! 

"Hey Team - I FOUND HIM!!!! And just wait til you here the story behind it: Pooka died on Monday evening, March 25. I lay in his cage at the vets and he walked over and lay down with me, his chin resting on my arm, his front leg draped over the arm. “You have to go away for a while, Pooks,” I told him, “but I need you to come back to me. You have to come back soon. I can’t be without you, my little heartbeat kitty.” He purred and gazed into my eyes.
His little ghost was at my side for 3 days. Then, suddenly, on the evening of the 28th, I felt him leave. The next day, March 29th, was my birthday and such a lonely, sad day it was.
But I absolutely knew he’d already found another body and that he’d be born almost immediately and very close by. But how would I find him? Neither our town nor any of the surrounding towns have animal shelters or even pet stores where I might look.
I started scanning the ads in the papers for kittens. There were none. I checked Craig’s List online. Nothing in our area. Zip. Nada. It looked like I’d just have to wait for him to wander onto my front porch some day….
Then, by chance, I noticed an animal rescue facility located in a house a few blocks down the street from me! I’d never known it was there. I called the number and explained that I was looking for a black, male kitten that was 4 weeks old.
“Oh honey,” said the lady on the phone, “we mostly get grown cats - hardly ever kittens and especially not that young. We do have an 8 month old female who’s very sweet.”
“No, I’m looking for a black male born about 4 weeks ago,” I said.
“Well, you never know,” she told me, “so let me take your number just in case.”
A few days later, she called. “You’re not going to believe this,” she said, “but we just got a litter of 5 kittens dropped off. Four tabby females and one black male. And he’s exactly 4 weeks old because they were born March 29th.”
What a clever and magical cat Pooka is … and now we even share the same birthday!

Reading that status made my heart ache in a way that's very bittersweet. I am SO happy that Lora has Pooka back! I just looked at the Facebook page and she posted a picture of him and OMG I absolutely melted!! I'm so happy for her and Pooka! But, admittedly, I'm jealous. I still miss Tippy so much :'( I'm not jealous in a bad way, please don't misunderstand. I just wish so much that she comes back to me!

Honestly? I think she's just waiting. I think she knew at the time that things in my life would not be right for her to come back so soon. But now things have settled down A LOT and I have been DESPERATELY wanting to get a cat again.  I think that she just might be coming back to me soon and I think this time around is going to go a LOT better than it did last.

I think I might do a little ritual to ask her to come back to me.  I think she might have been waiting for me to call for her.  I think she's been waiting for me to be ready for us to be reunited.

I never got to work with Tippy as a Familiar or anything.  But I have no doubts that she was my Familiar.  I knew it through the bond that we shared and the love that she gave.  She was no ordinary cat and I have no doubts that if she does come back to me, she would be a powerful magickal partner as well as the extraordinary friend that she was the last time she was alive.

So, there you have it.

Now, I didn't end up having to do any elaborate ritual to call her back to me.  As I mentioned, I think she's been waiting for me and for things in my life to be ready and Pooka's death and reincarnation was a way that she could get the message across for me to look for her.

Well, guys, I found her!  After reading the whole story of what happened to Pooka, it felt like I'd been smacked over the head with a neon sign and I'd been on the lookout ever since.  That bit earlier was written on April 30.  It took me having to deal with some frustrations (i.e. one guy who'd posted about 3 black kittens on Craigslist blew me off the day I was supposed to go look at them.)   However, when I had my meltdowns of desperate despair, Druid was right here with me to remind me that it will work out when it's meant to and to try not to be so impatient.

It paid off today  :-)   I found her!!!!   And she is home!!  :-D, though she is called Holly in this life instead of some odd pet name.  :3   I will post pics tomorrow!

I'll write more later.   It's uber late and I am having a really hard time staying awake at my laptop.  LoL!!

Happy Mother's Day!

Sunday, May 12, 2013

I hope all the mommies who read my page had a wonderful Mother's Day!  Whether you are the mommy to a human child, a furbaby, a plant even, or are like a mother to someone!

My Mother's Day has been the best I've had in years!  For one thing, it's my first Mother's Day as a happily divorced woman!  :-D  For another, today was a beautiful day, so I took my kiddos to the park and OMG they needed it! LoL  I had to get onto them a few times because for a little while, they were THE LOUDEST and most obnoxious kids on the playground!  XD   But it was a good outing and it was fun watching them get to play with other kiddos and enjoy being out of the house.  Right now, they are chowing down on Velveeta Shells 'N Cheese for dinner to be followed up with by some Sun Chips and an apple for dessert.  ^_^  Yep, life is good.

On the writing front, I am pleased to report that between last night and this morning, I've managed to write two poems.  ^_^  I know, it doesn't sound like much, but still, it's something.  It's more than the empty screen I was staring at for the longest time that was taunting me with the mental image of it collecting dust.

I hesitate to post them here or anywhere lest that mean that I can't submit them anywhere for publication, but if anyone reading this wouldn't mind acting as a beta reader for me, that would be awesome!  I am eager to get some opinions on these.  :-D  Just leave me a comment here or send me a message on the Facebook page and I will send them to you.

ZOMG Treehouses!!!!! *spaz*

Saturday, May 11, 2013

My dream treehouse
I'm watching "My Cat From Hell" when a trailer for a new called "Treehouse Masters" (Click Here to watch the video) and OMG!  My inner-Elf practically SQUEEEE-gasmed!!!!  I freaking LOVE treehouses!

Being that I have kids, the idea of living in a treehouse is not exactly practical by any stretch, but you know what I would LOOOOOOOOVE to have someday?  I would love to have a tree-cabin for my writing studio!  :-D  A place where I can go and be in the trees and have my own space to settle in and let nature inspire me to write.  *le sigh*  That would be the total awesomesauce!  Some place like this would be perfect:

Ohmigods, I love this treehouse so much!  :-D It's so beautiful!

I have no doubts that my love of treehouses comes from my being an Elf.  From what I understand, many races of Elves lived up in the trees like this.  Hell, even the Elves in "The Lord of the Rings" books and movies lived up in the trees, particularly the Lorien Elves.  ^_^  Granted, obviously, I'm not a Tolkien Elf, but I loved the designs of the flets in the LOTR movies! They were so beautiful!

Maybe someday I'll get to have my treehouse writing studio. At this point in my life, it's not terribly likely, but it is a lovely thing to dream about.  Every person who loves to create in some form or fashion dreams of having that environment that will catalyze their creativity and make the inspiration wash over them like a waterfall that has been un-dammed. And I think I just discovered what my dream environment is. ^_^

How cool is this treehouse?!?!

Writerly Thoughts: Feeling VERY Twitchy!!

First of all:  Yay!!  I managed to change the header picture!!!  :-D    Easy for most people, but it took me a bit to figure it out >^.^<  So yeah, I'm feeling a bit geeky happy.  I am LOVING my new layout!!  Elf-girl is happy!!

In other news.....

I've been feeling twitchy for days.  Twitchy of the writing persuasion, and I'm glad for it, but it's a twitchiness I've not been able to quench.  I have been BADLY wanting to make some writerly accomplishments, but I still feel stuck!  I don't know what to write!  Please forgive the crassness of this comparison, but it's like being constipated.  Aaaaaaaaand that's as far as I'm taking that analogy.  Y'all can figure the rest out, I'm sure.  Perhaps a better analogy might have been the pressure that builds when you've got a kink in a water hose.  I don't know  o.O

It's like my head is full of white noise and hesitation.  I don't know where to begin.  Trying to break my writing inertia is like trying to get a steam engine going.  Breaking through that barrier of inertia is the biggest problem for me (as I'm sure it is for many people).  Once I actually get going, it's not quite so difficult.  But the GETTING GOING is just.......gah!  D:  

I haven't gotten to any writing exercises yet (fairly obvious).  With the last two weeks of the Spring Semester to deal with, I wasn't overly expecting to.  But now that it's pretty much over with the exception of one more thing for my Paralegal class (as I've already mentioned), my free time is going to be a lot more free for me.  Yes, I'll have work to contend with, but when I'm home, the only duty I really need to worry about keeping up with is contributing to the upkeep of the apartment.

I'm still working on culling down my time on Facebook.  I fully admit that I've still been spending too much time on there, but I haven't really touched any of the games in at least a week whereabouts.

I have one more assignment to complete, which is due on Monday.  I really need to get to that (it's a Legal Research assignment, which I am NOT looking forward to!) but I need to have that done.  Either before I do it or after, I want to try to complete a writing exercise.  I feel like if I don't do some sort of creative writing SOON, I'm going to go to pieces.  I'm glad I feel that way, but I want to find a way to take advantage of it lest that desire go slack with me nothing to show for it.

If anyone reading this knows of any other places to suggest that have good writing exercises, I would very much appreciate the heads up!  :-D

)O( Morgaine )O(

After Almost 5 VERY Long Years.....

Friday, May 10, 2013

If you follow my Facebook page, you might have already heard my big news for the day:  Earlier today, almost 12 hours ago and after almost 5 years of waiting, I FINALLY was able to get my divorce!!! I seriously cannot even convey what a huge relief that is for me! So many times prior I had tried to get this thing going only to be shot down for one reason or another.

When I was living in Oklahoma, I'd tried several times to get the Legal Aid to help me, but they wouldn't.  Why?  Because they were only helping abuse cases, particularly cases of physical abuse and because pretty much the only thing my ex-husband DIDN'T do was beat the hell out of me, I was shit out of luck.  Didn't even matter that I was afraid of my ex somehow finding me. Didn't even matter the fact that my ex is a flaming sociopath.  >.<   Yeah, makes no sense for me either.  But none of that matters anymore, because my divorce hearing was earlier today and everything went well!

As anticipated, my ex wasn't there.  I don't know where he is (which is fine by me), so he wasn't able to be served in person; we had to go the Service by Publication route, which was doubly fine by me.  My ex isn't one of those who reads the paper much less the legal announcements.  ^_^

Druid was there with me, thank Goddess.  He didn't want to chance even the remote possibility of my ex showing up and thus my having to deal with him on my own.  We were there almost two hours and, barring the fact that I fidgeted nervously until it was my turn for the lawyer to talk to me, it was a very easy process.

And when it was all over, I have no doubts I looked something like the gal in this picture!

I am so relieved to have that gods-awful chapter of my life FINALLY closed!

To celebrate, I decided to re-vamp the look of this blog.  Today is the first day of my new life and I wanted my blog to somehow reflect that look.  It took FOREVER, but I was finally able to find a blog template that I like and voila!

In other news, I am pretty much FINALLY done with the Spring Semester (with the exception of one more Paralegal class to turn in my Take-Home Final that I have to do) and then I am off for the Summer!  :-D  Thank Goddess!!  I am NOT happy how the Spring Semester ended up for me. >.<  I'd started it so well, but when I got massively knocked on my ass by the bronchitis for over a month, it seriously screwed things up for me.  I went from having my overall grade in the high 90's to sweating over whether or not I was even still passing.  But, I'm pretty sure I passed well enough and I'm damn determined that the Fall Semester go MUCH better than the Spring semester did!  :-D

Writerly Thoughts

Friday, May 03, 2013

One of my life's passions has always been writing.  One of my long-time dreams is to be a published writer -- be it my poems or my stories (provided I ever actually FINISH one!! -_-) and have people actually LIKE what I write. One of the reasons I created this blog was to have it be my Writing blog, not just my Pagan blog.
I would LOVE to have a writing desk like this!

Unfortunately, I don't do very much writing nowadays, not even in this blog to write about the Pagan things going on in my life.  This is one of those areas where I severely lack discipline and I, truthfully, psyche myself out too much.  It's a bad habit that I need to cut out.  Actually, I have a LOT of bad habits that I need to knock off.

1: The biggest one is how wastefully I often spend my time.  I do too many things that are worthless distractions.  I play too many Facebook games.  The fact that I've cut down doesn't matter.  My time still get swallowed in by Candy Crush Saga.  Hell, if they allowed more lives than just 5, I'd have a bigger struggle.  The fact that I allow myself to get drawn in by such time-wasters is something that has massively gotten in my way as a writer but it has also caused me a lot of hurt as a college student.

2: I don't spend enough time practicing.  I've got writing textbooks still from my English Composition class and my Creative Writing class that I'd started the Spring Semester of last year that I'd ended up having to drop.  There are SO MANY things I could use from those books in regards to writing exercises, writing prompts, etc.  I've been told by many that I'm a good writer, but I know that there are A LOT of areas that I need to improve in order to be not just a GOOD writer, but a MARKETABLE writer.

3: I need to find something to write about every day, even if it's just a blurb.  I'm not talking some stupid status on Facebook or Twitter.  At one point, I used to write every day quite faithfully in my LiveJournal.  That's a habit that I pretty much drastically dropped out of back in 2006 after some REALLY bad things began happening in my life.  I just didn't have the energy to write anymore.  Before then, I was writing poems fairly regularly.  I was involved on a poetry site called TheStarliteCafe and I was taking part in poetry writing challenges quite frequently.   But when things started going to complete and dire shite in 2006, my passion 
and zest pretty much died.   If I were Greek, I guess you could say I'd lost my kefi.

I want so much get that fire and passion back, but I feel so lost more often than not.  You ever feel like you're in a coma and you don't know how to wake up?  It's like that.  I WANT to write.  I've got one story that I've had in the works for the past 2 years.  I WANT to finish it.  I WANT to actually be able to say that I've finished the writing of a novel I've started.  And I WANT to be able to market it to publishing hopefuls.

And, really, I know I can do it.  I just have to DO it.  I have to stop psyching myself out.  I have to stop giving in to all the internal reasons I have as to why I can't, because even I know that they're bullshit.

OMG I want so badly to have that amazing ALIVE feeling one gets when they have a story swimming around in their head that just will NOT shut up until it gets written!  Hell, when I first had the idea for my Dragon story, I had goosebumps!  I'm not even kidding!   If I can write it well enough, it just might be a story I can sell and have it be successful!

So, here's what I want to do:
Sylvia Plath -- My most favorite poetess

1: Limit myself to ONE HOUR of Facebook every day.  One hour AT MOST, and that includes any games.

2: Learn to re-direct myself to more constructive pursuits (be it writing or homework or whatever else) when I feel the itch to just be a lazy person and spend my time on stupid, needless sites.

3: I want to start doing writing exercises.  Until I push myself into better habits, perhaps it's too much to say I want to do one writing exercise per day, but I won't know til I give it a try.

Wish me luck!

)O( Morgaine )O(