The Last Day of 2013's Warpath

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Seeing a lot of different blogger's farewell to this year, I see I'm not the only one who had, bluntly speaking, a severely shitty year.  Like so many others, this year brought insane amounts of change, heartache, heartBREAK, and even renewal.

This year saw the ending of mine and Druid's relationship, our struggle to maintain a friendship, our respective losses of going to college due to different complications arising, the loss of our apartment.  My kids lost having their Daddy so close by since Druid had to go to Florida.  This year has seen us homeless yet kept from drowning entirely.  If my parents hadn't helped me as much as they did, I really don't know where we would be right now.

This year I have had love come and go and come again.  I had been inexplicably abandoned only to have someone else amazing come into my life.  I'm not gonna lie: I still grieve for the one who left, but I'm still very thankful for the one who is here.  There is still the occasional wistful wishing that things had turned out differently.  Especially right now as, had things not gone all clusterfucked as they did and had he not disappeared on me, we had planned for me to fly to Michigan to see him for a week this Saturday.  I think that ache lingers still because of the lack of closure.  Every day is an exercise in continuing to let go and move on with my life but part of me will always love him.

As for the one who is in my life now, he is wonderful.  He has been a soothing balm in more ways than I can express.  Because of him, life has taken on a tinge of hope that I haven't seen in a long time.  Because of him, my kids and I have had the best Christmas we've had in years, and I'm not talking from a materialistic aspect.  Getting to spend the holidays in the loving company of him and his kids has kinda renewed my liking of Christmas after so many Christmases that were more misery and loneliness than anything.

This year also saw the final loss of someone I had considered to be one of my very best friends.  The kind of person she ultimately proved herself to be was vindictive and toxic and flat-out miserable.  Instead of just walking away and moving on with her life as I was more than content to do at the end, she elected to, once again, try to sabotage my life by attempting to ruin my relationship with E, tried to trash my honor to him, tried to get him to believe that I'm a child abuser, said the most eye-poppingly vile things to E when he called her on her bullshit, sold me out yet again to my ex-husband (long story) and yet she has the nerve to call herself a Pagan.  SMH  (I say that scoffingly because she's one of the ones who claims to abide by the "Harm None" thing)

It's a real pity when people feel the need to take such horrid actions.  But it speaks way more about them than it does about the people that they're trying to destroy and, ultimately, people like her just end up staying down in their miserable filth and all the bad Karma they've brought upon themselves.

It really is sad because I loved her like a sister, took a lot of shit from Druid because I wanted to believe the best about her but, in the end, it turns out he was right about her all along.  I don't like it when people turn out to not be worth the faith that I invest in them.  I'm not meaning any of this as though I'm all shiny or anything, 'cause I'm not.  But I never should have let her back into my life.

A couple days ago I was watching a documentary on Netflix about the 2011 earthquake and tsunami in Japan.  I'd remembered hearing at the time that it actually happened that the earthquake was so strong that it actually affected the earth's tilt on its axis by about 10 inches and caused the earth to spin about a second or so faster.  Metaphorically speaking, that's what it feels like the events of 2013 have done to my life.  The changes were so quick, so violent and wrenching even, that my world has shifted on its axis.  This year was my 9 earthquake.  My world fell apart all around me, but even then, not everything was hopeless.

I got knocked down, I grieved, and then I did my best to keep going like so many other people have this year.  I dare say that 2013 was a 9 earthquake for a lot of people.  So many shitty things happened, but there were still good things too.

So now this last day of 2013, a Super Moon new moon awaits to greet us into 2014.  Today is a day for letting go of what's gone and for looking forward to the prosperity that lies ahead.  I really hope that 2014 goes WAAAAAAAAAAY better than 2013 did!  And I'm sure I'm not the only one with that hope  :3

Happy New Year!


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