Peeping Out of My Rabbit Hole

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Wow.  Somehow I didn't even realize how long it's been since I last updated!  o.O  And my Goddess, the dust bunnies have taken over as though it's still Ostara!  LoL!

Sadly, even now, I find myself at a loss of what to write about.  I think it's pretty obvious I gave up on the PBP for this year.  Maybe next year I'll actually keep up with it, but I'm honestly not holding my breath at the moment.  >.<

Honestly, y'all, things have been really hard for me these past several months.  In the wake of Druid and I breaking up -- at first only to try to approach and fix our relationship from a "just friends" angle only for it to become a "broken up for good" thing back in early June -- I pretty much lost all inspiration to write.  I haven't even done writing exercises or anything this past summer.  I'm not gonna lie: I still hurt but I know that, really, there's just no way for him and I to work out, so I've been having to figure out how to get past this.  It's difficult given that he and I will still be living together until our current lease is concluded at the beginning of June.  I still love him, but I'm working on letting him go.  Most days we manage to get along just fine as friends, which is fine.  Most days I do fine and the hurt is just a mild ache.  But I still have days where the hurt is just as fresh as the day I realized that there is just no going back for us.

*sigh*  And I've pretty much neglected the Facebook page about as badly as I've neglected the blog.  I'm hoping to get back into gear with both the blog and the page soon.  It really is about time I just suck it up and come out of my rabbit hole.

My Year and a Day classes have been going well.  It amazes me, when I look back, to realize that my Year and a Day is about halfway over!  o.O  Where has the time gone?!?!  Currently we're discussing the Sabbats.  Last week we discussed Imbolc and tonight we will be discussing Ostara (which reminds me!  I need to do some research about Ostara before class tonight!  Meep!) such as what it's about and why it's celebrated.  I know some basic info, of course, but I need to do some research so I can give my teacher the more in depth answers he's looking for -- something I admittedly bombed on last week *guilty grin*

Before now, we'd been studying the Elementals and calling upon them -- I connect really well with Fire and my Dragon Friend shows up every time I call for Him.  ^_^  I still need to practice calling the other Elementals and working on making my connection with them stronger.

Last Full Moon we did our first full-on ritual and it went really well  :-)   I called Fire, J called Water, S called Earth, and Greyhart called Air.  We did the ritual to honor Hera and Zeus.  It was a seriously cool ritual!  I'd go into more detail, but that will have to wait.  Again, I got homework to do before class.  LoL!

Overall, that's pretty much the past couple of months in a nutshell.  I'm getting by and learning how to heal.  Part of me balks at the idea of ever being in a relationship again (and, really, who doesn't go through that feeling when they get out of a toxic relationship?).  Part of me feels like I'm just too damaged to ever be good enough for anybody, so why should I try?  But the other part of me knows that, while I'm not perfect, I'm not as crappy a girlfriend as I perceive myself.  I made mistakes.  I was a total bitch sometimes.  I had my times where I was selfish and not as considerate as I should have been.  I had times where depression spirals turned me into a person I could barely recognize much less like.  But, at the heart of it, I know I still tried even though my efforts went largely unappreciated and unnoticed by him.

Sorry.  I know that probably sounded self-pitying as all hell.  >.<  I don't mean to sound that way and I'm not even feeling self-pitying, honestly.  Just simply stating facts.  *shrug*    Oh well.   We'll see what the future brings.  In the meantime, any healing and positive energy that y'all could send my way would be most appreciated!

)O(  Morgaine )O(

Year and a Day Class: Working With the Fire Elementals

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This past Monday's class was AWESOME!

We've been working on calling and banishing the quarters.  We've worked with first Earth, then Air, and then we worked with Fire last night (and next week will be Water).  I'm still working on gaining confidence in what I'm doing (which isn't necessarily a bad thing -- we're only close to 4 months in to the Year and a Day), so my attempts at evoking first Earth and then Air were.....well, they weren't as good as I COULD have done.  However, Greyhart did something different last night.

In order to get us acquainted with the Fire Realm of the Fire Elementals, he had us do a meditation.  I was actually surprised at how mine went.

First, he lit a jar candle after making the room quite dark, and then had Jason and I close our eyes.  He purposefully kept descriptives vague as he guided us down the start of a path so that we would be allowed to see for our own selves what the Fire Realm looked like without any outside influence.

As I went down this path, I found myself in a bright, arid desert.  Normally, I don't like deserts.  Barring the occasional visits to Mesa, Arizona to visit my grandparents for Christmas or Spring Break when the desert temperatures weren't nearly so unpleasant, I loved seeing the saguaro in bloom and I loved the desert sunrises and sunsets.  But that was about it.

In this desert, heat waves radiated off the ground and while I was sweating like crazy and the heat was uncomfortable, it wasn't as bad as other places I've been (such as the Mojave on the way toward San Diego or Los Angeles in September when I was 15 -- OMMFG!!!!  It was so hot there, the air seemed hardly breathable!).  There was a certain life to this heat.  I don't know how to word it.

Anyway, as I continued, I came over a hill and I saw a Dragon.  He had the boxy-shaped head similar to a Chinese dragon, but he wasn't as slender as one.  He looked at least the size of a hippopotamus but still had the classic Dragon serpentine grace.  He wasn't made of scales.  He was living fire and he was going around burning things.  He was setting trees on fire and other things and it seemed to be for no apparent reason.

Before I thought the better of it, I walked down the hill toward the Dragon.  At first I was afraid he would burn me too when he turned, saw me, and stopped what he was doing.  Though there were no actual "eyeballs" in that draconian head, his gaze still struck me as being extremely curious.  "Why are you doing this?" I asked.  "Why are you burning everything?"

"It's my job to," he said simply.

I felt hesitant to say that I didn't understand.  Long have I loved Dragons, but even I know better than to annoy one.  Still, he took the lost look on my face in stride."I bring about endings and, in those endings, I bring about beginnings.  What I do here is what is done in your world.  What I burn here burns over there and as I do so, things begin again from the fertile soil of destruction.  I clear out the cluttered undergrowth that prohibits growth and I make way for healthy beginnings."

I pondered this for a moment.  It made sense.  It's not the first time I've heard of fires being set for the sole purpose of preserving the health of a forest.  In fact, the first time I heard about this was when my parents and I visited Sequoia National Forest.  The guide explained that every so often, a particular section of the forest is set afire to burn away undergrowth and cause fallen pinecones to release their seeds so that new trees will grow."If you so wish, I can do the same for you."  That statement startled me.  He told me that, basically, he could help me to burn away the old so that the new could start, which would help me to discover who I really am.  He gave me a bump on the shoulder with his snout before sauntering off to continue his work.

The next thing I knew, Greyhart's voice was calling us back, coaxing us to come back down the path out of the Fire Realm.  When we got back, he asked us to tell him of what we saw.  When Jason and I finished regaling him with our adventures, Greyhart asked us how long we thought we'd been there.

In my head I knew it had to be a mere amount of minutes, but as I thought of all I'd seen and the conversation with the Dragon that I'd had, it FELT like I'd been there at least an hour.

"I watched the clock while you guys were gone and you were gone for exactly 3 minutes."   He went on to explain that time in the other realms ran differently than they do here.  This is something I already knew, but still.  It was good to talk about.  He also asked us how we moved around in the Fire Realm.  "I started out walking when you were guiding us down the path, but when I got there, all I really had to do was think 'I'd like to be over there' and there I was.  Hell, it didn't even really take a thought."   'Cause when I thought about it, I didn't remember doing much walking.  I'd start to walk in a particular direction, but then I'd just be there in the blink of an eye and it didn't even dawn on me how "abnormal" that is.

"The laws of locomotion also don't apply the same as they do here.  It's different wherever you go," he explained.  He also expressed how pleased he was by the fact that we'd not only found the Fire Realm but that some of the creatures there had actually talked to us.

Finally, we got to the part of the evening where we practiced summoning Fire Elementals.  Naturally, because of my shy preference to let other people go before me so as to get an idea of how I want to do something, Greyhart had me go first.  Oh goody!  Maybe someday I'll get over that awkwardness of being thrown in the pool to swim first.  LoL!

Anyway, so my first attempt kinda fizzled.  The being that came through was kinda puny and its energy sputtered a bit.  It kinda felt like I'd started to bring over something of decent size but then just ended up with a fistful of fur.  Does that make any sense?   Even Greyhart, from where he sat on the couch, gave me a rather bemused look like "Really? Surely you can do better."

He stood from the couch, had me face back toward the south, put his hands on my shoulder blades to help me ground for a moment, and then told me to envision that that portal path to the Fire Realm again.  I can't remember all of what he said, but at one particular thing he said, I saw the path burst into flames on either side as it shot the rest of the way into the Fire Realm.  As soon as I felt that, I knew exactly who I wanted to find and it didn't take me but a moment.  Standing not too far away from the portal entrance was my Dragon friend.  I felt a swell of joy that he was there.  In the moments before I said the words to call him to my circle, the Dragon had already said he would come.

"Hail to the Guardians of the Watchtowers of the South. I call you forth to be a guard unto my circle. Be here now."   As I said that last while drawing a Pentagram in the air, I felt a ripple of energy shoot from my chest and I knew he was there.  I took a deep breath before I opened my eyes again to look back at Greyhart.

His eyes were wide.  "Damn!"  Jason's eyes were quite wide as well.  Greyhart asked him to tell us what he felt.

"What she called through made itself small enough to fit into the room, but I can tell it's A LOT bigger than that.  I can feel the heat emanating from the south.  I seriously feel like I'm standing next to a furnace.  When it came through, I felt like I was within feet of one of those pyrotechnic torches that they use for special effects."

That thrilled me enough, but Greyhart's words sent me straight into elation.  He basically gave me major props.  He said that that was my best conjuration ever, it was FAR BETTER than the ones I did for Air and Earth previously.  He even said that the Dragon was the biggest Elemental that had ever been called in his house.

Seriously, while he was telling me all this, I just wanted to do a friggin' happy dance.  ^_^  The crowning point was when he told me that this is why he'd taken me on as a student -- because he'd seen my potential for doing magick like this.  "You keep doing what you just did and, someday when you're leading ritual, people are gonna notice and feel what you're doing and they're gonna want to know how you did that."I thought my face was gonna crack.  ^_^

At last, when I sent the Dragon back home, I silently thanked him for coming before saying the words to send him home.  After he left, the temperature in the room, though it had been hot from the get-go and had gotten even hotter when the Dragon arrived, went back down by a noticeable degree and I felt like I was walking on air.

Book Review: "Not My Mother: A Memoir"

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This most recent Mother's Day was one of the best I'd had in years! For one thing, I had just accomplished my divorce finally after almost 5 years!  That alone was enough to have me completely cheerful even though, for the most part, Mother's Day passed pretty much like any other day, as usual.  I'm still learning to remind myself to be thankful when days like that pass without much acknowledgment.  And, this time, even when I felt slightly melancholy, all I had to do was remember that 1. I am officially free to move on with my life and 2. I have my kids.  ^_^

Well, there was something else that I got that made Mother's Day a particularly lovely one: A new book.  Believe me, I will NEVER scoff at getting a new book, especially when I'm able to get it for free! I was looking at posts by blogs that I follow here on Blogger and I spied a post on Laura DeLuca's blog where she was promoting a book called "Not My Mother: A Memoir", saying that it could be gotten for free on Amazon for Mother's Day only.

Again: Like I'm going to turn down a free book?  Not on your life!

I didn't really know much about this book when I hit the button that would have it magically delivered to my Kindle.  I knew from the brief description that the author had been through a LOT of abuse -- from her parents especially, including incest. I didn't fully read the description until after I'd received it and read it, actually.

I've read memoirs from abuse survivors before (such as "Step On a Crack, You Break Your Father's Back" -- the heart-wrenching life of Vanessa Morelli Ferris) and they're not an easy thing to read, especially if you tend toward an empathic nature.

Ashley Rae presents her story in a poignantly real fashion.  One of the hugely remarkable differences I found while reading this is that even when she speaks of the abuse she was put through by her parents and by other people, while she conveys the pain it caused, she remains miraculously free of the hate that might have taken down a weaker person.

The book starts with a memory of being with her mother, who was left quite disfigured after a murder attempt made by Ashley's biological father when she was very young. Her mother was concerned that Ashley would be embarrassed to be seen with her.  The tender-while-rough first glimpse Ashley gives us of her mother becomes hard to reconcile with the raging woman spoken of later in the book who wielded a knife at her own daughter.  And, all the while, Ashley worries she will turn out to be abusive to her own child as her mother was to her.

The book is presented in a skillfully-non-linear fashion as Ashley takes us from the first moment she discovered her pregnancy through birth, giving us glimpses of her past in well-told flashbacks.  My heart wrenched repeatedly for Ashley as she gave the details of what people had done to her as well as the struggles she had to go through to overcome, learn to forgive, and learn to find her strength to not be the doormat to these people again.

At one point she detailed a falling out with someone who had been a very close friend and as I read the details of this friend's dire hatefulness in the end, it hit very close to home as I have had similar experiences with past friends too.

One of my very favorite things about this book is that Ashley writes with zero pretense.  She does not put on a show for you.  She has no qualms in writing about things that might embarrass other writers to reveal, and for that, I would trust her far more easily than others.  Anyone who can write about the hilarity of uncontrollable bodily functions and not bat an eye while you're left collapsing in laughter over the droll wording has my utter confidence.  Not many people would have the stones to even go there.  It was things like that, as well as her unflinching revealing of her own characteristic short-comings that had me exclaiming many times throughout the book  "My gods, I would so hang out with her!"

Reading her book was like reading the book of someone I'd known all my life.  It was like reading the words of my two very best friends in the entire world.  She doesn't write in a way that makes her seem unapproachable.  If I were to see her on the street after reading this, I, admittedly, would still probably want to squeal a bit, but I could also picture hanging out with her and chatting over a cup of tea or coffee.  Plus, I have to admit, it was extremely refreshing to see the survivor's tale written from the perspective of a fellow Pagan and to see how she leaned on her faith to get past all she'd been through.

I give this book a very enthusiastic 5 Stars and I would very highly recommend this book to every Pagan I can think of.  Plus, as she details in the Afterword, 10% of all the proceeds of this book goes to help the son of a very dear late friend of hers.

Seriously guys, this book is a very worthy buy all around.  Not only are you getting a great read, but you're also contributing to a wonderful cause.

You can find this book on Amazon here, you can check out Ashley's personal website here, and you can find her on Facebook here and her book's Facebook page here.

Whoops! It's Been a While!

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So sorry it's been so long since I last wrote!

Just a few days after Holly came into our family I re-started my job at McDonald's and it's been craziness ever since.  First of all, Holly is doing awesome!  She has really come out of her shell over the past few weeks and she's gotten more confident to come out of my bedroom and be around all of us without freaking out.  She's getting along really well with the kids to where she lets them pet her and play with her.  ^_^  And, as I sit here typing this, she is snoozing quite contentedly next to me on the couch (oop! Now she's snuggled on my chest).  <3<3<3<3<3  Every day she's exhibited more and more of the personality traits from her last life while still maintaining her different individuality in this life and I could seriously burst with how happy I am to have her with me again!

For instance, like Tippy, she'll come trotting right to me when I call her name and she'll be meowing all the way.  That was one of my most favorite things about Tippy's personality when she was in that life.  I love my little kitty friend so much!

Let's see....what else?  I turned 30 a couple weeks ago (oh joy!).   I'm not as bothered by it as I thought I would be, but just wait til I start getting significantly closer to 40.  We'll see how much bitching I do about that milestone!  LoL!

Regarding my job, I can't say I'm overly thrilled about it, but I'm still thankful for it.  I'm thankful for the extra money and I still manage to enjoy it most of the time.  There's just the occasional rough patch where I'm having to deal with bitchy co-workers, which I find to be worse than rude customers.  Hell, just the other day I was working the morning shift and this one chick  was just......well, lemme put it this way: I was THIS CLOSE to asking her if she needed to change her tampon.  I'm still getting used to being back at McDonald's and trying to find my multi-tasking groove (which I've not had much of in the first place) and I was helping with Drive-Thru.  Well, apparently my multi-tasking skills aren't as good as hers which, she felt, meant that it was ok for her to treat me like an inferior plebian piece of trash.

Finally, when she decided to snappishly demand my headset and shove me off to other duties, I had it.  "There's no need to be rude!" I barked.  She and another co-worker tried to justify it because of my, apparent, ineptness to do the job to their satisfaction.  "Huh uh!" I snapped.  "I don't care! I'm trying my best and this is only my second week back on the job, so can it!"   I decided a long time ago that I won't be treated like anybody's bitch.  

That's not to say that I don't understand the frustration they were feeling, but even T knew that I was new back on the job.  I wanted to smack her the worst because SHE KNEW.

Meh.  So, it took me a little while to get past that bad mood.  Admittedly, one of the things that cheered me up a bit was watching A get her Karma.  That morning was heavy with rain and, while I was sequestered off in an out-of-the-way corner of the Drive-Thru to just take orders for one of the Drive-Thru lanes (fine by me), I watched A suddenly have to deal with a leak in the ceiling right above where she was taking orders for the other lane and dealing with some of the drink orders.  I admit, every time she wailed about getting dripped on and futilely searched for a way to shield herself from the drips, I giggled a bit.  Still, I reminded myself not to be TOO gleeful lest Karma hike a brow in my direction.  I took a few (smirking) deep breaths, turned back to my business, and ignored everything else to do with it.

But, barring all that, my job has been alright.  :-)  Barring the fact that my feet hurt so bad by the end of the day that I'm ready to bawl my head off, that is.

My Year and a Day classes were, basically, on vacation for the past two weeks and will be resuming this upcoming Monday.  ^_^  I'm very excited for that.

Overall, that's pretty much all that's been going on over the past few weeks.

Oh!  And I'm in the middle of creating a website on Weebly!  :-)   I haven't published it yet, but I've been trying to get things set up beyond the mere bare bones.  ^_^   I think I'll be able to do more of the in-depth things on there that I've been wanting to do here such as have pages from my Book of Shadows as well as bits of my writings.  ^_^   I'm working on it.  I hope to have it up soon.

Holly's First Real Day (PICS INCLUDED)

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(I started this entry yesterday, but I got side-tracked with Holly and then I ended up crashing  LoL)

May 15:  Sooooooooo, I can tell this is going to take some time.  Holly has shown that she's quite timid and shy.  In fact, she's the shyest kitten I've ever had to deal with.  When she was with me in her last life, she didn't have a bunch of rowdy kids to deal with.  Aspen was just a baby and I hadn't had Rain yet.  When Aspen was a baby, he didn't have that typical baby tendency of smacking the crap out of whatever was making him excited.  Tippy had ADORED Aspen.  In essence, they kinda got to grow up together.  She would lay by him, I would help him pet her, he would get the most ecstatic, joyful look on his face and Tippy would just lay there and purr her ever-lovin' head off.

But now things are VERY different.  Aspen's a LOT bigger and there's two more than there was before she died.  A lot of things have changed.  I know it's going to take a lot of patience and learning to back off when she's had enough.  But I'll admit, this will be a learning process for me too.  Like I said, I've never had such a shy kitten before.  Tippy was a little shy when she first came to us; she hid for a little bit, but when she grew curious enough to come out and explore, she was fine.

Now that she's Holly with a lot more to deal with, I can see that this is going to take a lot more time and patience.

That being said, it's not been all that bad.  This morning started out a little rough.  Admittedly, I wasn't being overly constructive in trying to get her out of hard-to-reach hiding places such as under or behind the entertainment center, which we've had to block off because she poo'ed back there.  At one point Druid scared the ever-loving out of her by trying to shoo her from under the entertainment center with a broom handle.  -_-  That was particularly frustrating because she was starting to gain some curiosity to explore and after that, she went back into hiding.  *sigh*

However, today has had a lot of high points, too.  Even when I'd pulled her out of her hiding spots, the moment I started petting her and snuggling her, she would snuggle back and there have been several times today she has rubbed her face against mine, which I find to be most encouraging.

However, as the day went on, it became more and more clear that having her things set up in the living room and dining room was just NOT the best idea.  So, I did some cleaning and picking up in mine and Druid's bedroom, moved her things in there, and made it to where the room could be open, but she'd be blocked in there just so she'd have a quieter, less-trafficked area to be in.  She was still a little timid at first, but it didn't take her very long to gain the confidence to explore the room, even obnoxiously so as the night wore on.  But the good thing was that she finally had the confidence to get out of her kitty condo to eat food, drink water, and use the litter box.  Plus, she's gradually getting less scared of us.

For a while, if either one of us would peek in on her hiding place, she'd hiss at us  (which is SO freaking cute, btw -- it's just this tiny little puff of air!) but wouldn't make any aggressive moves.  The only time she's made to claw at either one of us is if she was feeling playful.  I think the hiss was more of a timid, startled thing.  She'd still let us pet her and even look a bit soothed when we'd do so.

May 16:  Her first night in our room, like I said, she got a bit obnoxious.  I ended up waking up at around 5am because she got onto the sink top and was knocking things over.  But I ended up getting to play with her and OMG when she's feeling confident, she is such a snugglebug! AND a chatterbox  XD  Naturally, I couldn't help but to chatter back.  ^_^

And now, before I close this entry, here are some pics of my little friend:

A Week of Celebration

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I can't even find the words to describe all the happiness this last week has brought me.  First there was the finalizing of my divorce last Friday, which I already wrote about, then there's the fact that the Spring Semester is FINALLY over!!!!! But this next bit of ecstatic happiness is the uber reason for this post.  However, for y'all to fully understand, I'm going to need to include a bit of a back-story.


(taken from a journal entry I wrote a couple weeks ago)
Something that's been weighing on my mind a lot lately is the topic of Familiars. I used to have one. I didn't get to have her very long and, considering the way my life was going for the longest time, maybe it was a mixed blessing. At least when she died, she still belonged to me. I didn't have to suffer the grief of having to rehome her because many things 'caused me and mine to have to be homeless and living like gypsies for almost two years.

Tippy was my first-ever Mother's Day present. Honestly, she was probably the most thoughtful thing my ex ever did for me. I wasn't expecting anything for Mother's Day that year. We were dirt poor. So when my ex came in briefly on his lunch break on that day in May, 2005 with something behind his back and told me to close my eyes and hold out my hands, I thought maybe he'd gotten me one of those brownies from the nearby 7-Eleven that I liked so much. Instead, what I got was a feeling of a tiny, soft, furry body. She was a tiny little black kitten with little white paws and ankle socks on her back feet. When she was a baby, she had a little tip of white on her tail, hence her name Tippy.

Tippy was wholeheartedly MY baby. I'd never had a cat so devoted to me. She would even come running to me when I'd call her. One time she got out of the apartment and went into the pool area (which was closed off). My ex tried to get her to come to him by calling her and she just sat there staring at him like "And what?" I went outside, crouched down, and called for her and she came trotting to me as eagerly as one would expect a puppy to do. That was when I first realized the bond we had.

Tippy loved me unconditionally, even when I wasn't such a great human being. I'm ashamed to say that there was a long stretch of time where I didn't really appreciate her or treat her as I should have. There were so many things going on at that time, though I don't see any of them as being excuses for me. But she loved me anyway. And yes, I did manage to get my head out of my ass. I just wish I'd done it sooner. 

I didn't have Tippy for a full year before she was hit by a car one night while my ex and I were off visiting a friend of his. She died almost a month exactly after he and I had moved to Oklahoma City from Texas.  Tippy died March 10, 2006 just a couple weeks before my daughter was born. It's been 7 years and I still miss her terribly. I've often wondered if Tippy might someday come back to me.

Thoughts like this have especially been prevalent as of late. I follow the Pooka Pages magazine for Pagan children and back towards the end of March, Pooka -- the Familiar of Lora, the gal who runs the mag -- passed away. He died March 25. My heart absolutely broke for Lora 'cause I remember all too well the grief I went through when I lost Tippy.

Lora wrote a story about Pooka's passing for the Beltane issue of the Pooka pages and holy crap, I cried my eyes out. (You can find it on the Pooka Pages Facebook page.  I'm sorry I don't have a more direct link)

But Lora, even then, knew that her Pooka kitty would come back to her. And Pooka didn't waste any time in doing so. A few days ago, I saw a Facebook status on the Pooka Pages Team page and OMG!! She found him again! 


"Hey Team - I FOUND HIM!!!! And just wait til you here the story behind it: Pooka died on Monday evening, March 25. I lay in his cage at the vets and he walked over and lay down with me, his chin resting on my arm, his front leg draped over the arm. “You have to go away for a while, Pooks,” I told him, “but I need you to come back to me. You have to come back soon. I can’t be without you, my little heartbeat kitty.” He purred and gazed into my eyes.
His little ghost was at my side for 3 days. Then, suddenly, on the evening of the 28th, I felt him leave. The next day, March 29th, was my birthday and such a lonely, sad day it was.
But I absolutely knew he’d already found another body and that he’d be born almost immediately and very close by. But how would I find him? Neither our town nor any of the surrounding towns have animal shelters or even pet stores where I might look.
I started scanning the ads in the papers for kittens. There were none. I checked Craig’s List online. Nothing in our area. Zip. Nada. It looked like I’d just have to wait for him to wander onto my front porch some day….
Then, by chance, I noticed an animal rescue facility located in a house a few blocks down the street from me! I’d never known it was there. I called the number and explained that I was looking for a black, male kitten that was 4 weeks old.
“Oh honey,” said the lady on the phone, “we mostly get grown cats - hardly ever kittens and especially not that young. We do have an 8 month old female who’s very sweet.”
“No, I’m looking for a black male born about 4 weeks ago,” I said.
“Well, you never know,” she told me, “so let me take your number just in case.”
A few days later, she called. “You’re not going to believe this,” she said, “but we just got a litter of 5 kittens dropped off. Four tabby females and one black male. And he’s exactly 4 weeks old because they were born March 29th.”
What a clever and magical cat Pooka is … and now we even share the same birthday!"

Reading that status made my heart ache in a way that's very bittersweet. I am SO happy that Lora has Pooka back! I just looked at the Facebook page and she posted a picture of him and OMG I absolutely melted!! I'm so happy for her and Pooka! But, admittedly, I'm jealous. I still miss Tippy so much :'( I'm not jealous in a bad way, please don't misunderstand. I just wish so much that she comes back to me!

Honestly? I think she's just waiting. I think she knew at the time that things in my life would not be right for her to come back so soon. But now things have settled down A LOT and I have been DESPERATELY wanting to get a cat again.  I think that she just might be coming back to me soon and I think this time around is going to go a LOT better than it did last.

I think I might do a little ritual to ask her to come back to me.  I think she might have been waiting for me to call for her.  I think she's been waiting for me to be ready for us to be reunited.

I never got to work with Tippy as a Familiar or anything.  But I have no doubts that she was my Familiar.  I knew it through the bond that we shared and the love that she gave.  She was no ordinary cat and I have no doubts that if she does come back to me, she would be a powerful magickal partner as well as the extraordinary friend that she was the last time she was alive.


So, there you have it.

Now, I didn't end up having to do any elaborate ritual to call her back to me.  As I mentioned, I think she's been waiting for me and for things in my life to be ready and Pooka's death and reincarnation was a way that she could get the message across for me to look for her.

Well, guys, I found her!  After reading the whole story of what happened to Pooka, it felt like I'd been smacked over the head with a neon sign and I'd been on the lookout ever since.  That bit earlier was written on April 30.  It took me having to deal with some frustrations (i.e. one guy who'd posted about 3 black kittens on Craigslist blew me off the day I was supposed to go look at them.)   However, when I had my meltdowns of desperate despair, Druid was right here with me to remind me that it will work out when it's meant to and to try not to be so impatient.

It paid off today  :-)   I found her!!!!   And she is home!!  :-D, though she is called Holly in this life instead of some odd pet name.  :3   I will post pics tomorrow!

I'll write more later.   It's uber late and I am having a really hard time staying awake at my laptop.  LoL!!

Happy Mother's Day!

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I hope all the mommies who read my page had a wonderful Mother's Day!  Whether you are the mommy to a human child, a furbaby, a plant even, or are like a mother to someone!


My Mother's Day has been the best I've had in years!  For one thing, it's my first Mother's Day as a happily divorced woman!  :-D  For another, today was a beautiful day, so I took my kiddos to the park and OMG they needed it! LoL  I had to get onto them a few times because for a little while, they were THE LOUDEST and most obnoxious kids on the playground!  XD   But it was a good outing and it was fun watching them get to play with other kiddos and enjoy being out of the house.  Right now, they are chowing down on Velveeta Shells 'N Cheese for dinner to be followed up with by some Sun Chips and an apple for dessert.  ^_^  Yep, life is good.

On the writing front, I am pleased to report that between last night and this morning, I've managed to write two poems.  ^_^  I know, it doesn't sound like much, but still, it's something.  It's more than the empty screen I was staring at for the longest time that was taunting me with the mental image of it collecting dust.

I hesitate to post them here or anywhere lest that mean that I can't submit them anywhere for publication, but if anyone reading this wouldn't mind acting as a beta reader for me, that would be awesome!  I am eager to get some opinions on these.  :-D  Just leave me a comment here or send me a message on the Facebook page and I will send them to you.